2:51 p.m. - 2004-01-20
I'm going to paint my room at my mom's house stonewashed lavender before I move in again. The room is so cold right now. Its a huge room with cathedral ceilings, dark, heavy furniture and sage bedlinens. I'm gonna make it cozier. A need at least a cozy room to sleep in.
I've been thinking through all the procedures such as address changes, storage, movers, etc and I feel so sad. Why did I do it to myself? I wish someone had run interference a long time ago. But no one in my family had ever had credit cards before. And we were never close enough to talk about these things. I came out of college many years ago with the equivalent of a mortgage on a modest home on several credit cards. Damn the credit card industry for giving tens of thousands of dollars worth of credit to a college girl with only summer employment. Damn them.
I will be free of this debt next year, and the bricks sitting on top of my shoulders will lift and I will feel the freedom of not owing anyone anything again. And that will feel like a miracle. Its been ten years. That's a long time to sustain that weight. No wonder my back hurts all the time.
Now, I have only to swallow my pride, raise my chin and say "fuck you" to anyone who makes fun of me. I'm not looking forward to this...