3:01 p.m. - 2004-02-05
I ate a whole package (actually one serving) of sugar free candy and now I feel pukey. I wanna go home and worship my toilet. I heard that some people get sick from sugar free stuff, but I drink thousands of cups of tea each day with sugar free sweetener and never get sick.
I guess this means that I'll be pooping all night long. I hear that's what happens. You poop and you fart. So un-Zen-like. I don't want to poop and fart with uncontrollable zeal. I have no zest for personal emissions of the stinky kind. I just enjoy hearing them out of others and laughing myself silly. Why me?