9:13 a.m. - 2004-06-01
This weekend hosted festivals galore. The first was the Zoo booze festival. I found a favorite beer, bought some of T's sportswear for myself and a friend who's graduating from the Coast Guard. Mine is a cute grey t-shirt with navy blue banding around the neck and shoulders. I was a little worried because I thought it looked too Ashton Kutchter and boyish, but the sleeves are gathered just enough to look girly. I think I'll wear it next weekend.
Sunday's festival was a last minute change of plans because Six and her hubby had "grandmother in the hospital" duty. So I latched onto The Boys and went to a down town artist fest. It was awesome! Sully, T (who had a vendor stand), H, Sully's obnoxious brother, and The DJ out in the open air all day drinking beers (just two for me, phwew!) and eating wonderful fest food (a veggie pita with yogurt) and dancing to/making fun of various bands. People watching was incredible.
We made friends with cops and security people so when The Boys got tired of paying out 4 bucks a beer, they were able to sneak Buds out of a cooler.
Then there was a criminal on the loose and a pit bull took him down so the police could catch him. That was pretty cool.
Then H tried his best to apologize for being a stupid boy. It was pretty comical in an assed up way. He's not very good at it. But it was an attempt. And he was very apologetic in all the best ways.
This is where the make-up sex comes in. The kiddies were out at slumber parties so clothes were strewn around the house we tripped all the way up the stairs and make-up sex was had. But then he snored so freaking loud that I didn't sleep at all. I just layed there, bobbing up and down on the water bed because his snoring was so rumbly it shook the bed. And I thought a lot. And thought, this is nice.
I hadn't been THAT relaxed since, well, not in a long time. And if we could only get on a regular schedule and keep to it, I would be a happier girl. I don't mind the not sleeping so much. I can always make up for it on Sunday nights. So, we'll see what works.
Memorial Day weekend would have been his 16th anniversary. I can see that his heart and spirit are still broken. I can see that in his eyes. And he hides all the hurt behind a shield of anger the grows with each jab his ex throwns his way over the children. I want to fix it. It would be so simple. Just follow the rules. But, its not for me to fix. And I have no talent with it anyway.
I kept thinking last night that he wanted me to say something when he mentioned it. I think he wanted to talk. But his feelings are so intense that I shied away and started rambling on about something inconsequential. I kissed him on the head and left it at that.
I wish I had known what to say.