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12:54 p.m. - 2004-07-07
Expanding my mind and my budget.
I'm trying to do a budget on an Excel program and it looks really ugly. I added up numbers in my head, and came out with 500 free dollars per month to play with after bills, car, groceries, etc. I really only have 221. My head doesn't work, and either will this budget. 50 dollars a week for entertainment, girlie purchases, toys and unexpected occurances is not nearly enough.

I need a salary increase. Not that that's worked in the past. Somehow, the more I make, the more I need. That's how I got into this mess in the first place. So I'm going to try to save receipts, and put them into categories and see where I spend money. This is going to be hard, because I don't like to keep track of myself. But I'll give it old college try.

Looking forward to a debt free, booty free me in 2005.

On another note, I've notices that most of my entries are about the same things over and over again. Boys, job, money and booty. I'm totally lacking in culture (unless you count city-redneck culture) and high minded topics of conversation. How am I going to improve myself if I have no form of continuing education in such things? I've become such a dull, complacent Zen. No mystery, no intrigue. No fun.

I used to spend hours listening to music and thinking deep thoughts about how the universe was created, whether people really do have out of body experiences, meditation and pilgrimage. Now? I think about money, men and misery at work. Maybe I'm so miserable because my life has lost its greater purpose. At least when I believed strongly in God, there was something greater to aspire to. Transcending thoughts...

Oh yeah, I took one of those IQ tests today for fun, and to see if I'm really stupid. I'm not. Still brilliant. So it must be everyone else.

I also have this strange urge to discover this island called Tangier and a town named Crisfield. Something about boats and fish. I've always been drawn to sea life. My mom brought me up on whaling and lobstering stories from our family. All New Bedford watermen. I wish I had a closer connection to it.

I think I'll call my eastern shore friends. Its time to take the boat out and go fishing. Dontcha think?


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