11:10 a.m. - 2004-07-11
Friday night I gorged on seafood like there was no tomorrow. I had 200 dollars in yard sale winnings, and took the folks to the finest restaurant in town. I got the 42 dollar seafood bonanza with lobster, crab cake, crab imperial, the most tender scallops in teh world and huge shrimp. 42 dollars! Worth every penny. And because it was yard sale money, and the waitress put her heart and soul into it, she got a 30% tip. So, maybe gettign rid of a lot of crap might make a difference in some one who tried so hard to please. I still remember my big tips. And the flush of pride that came with them.
Yesterday, I went out in the morning to the local farm markets to purchase some produce. I picked out two premium cantalopes and six ears of silver queen corm for Sixweasels and her hubby, complete with farm basket. I looked very Holly Hobbie carrying the basket into the weasel house.
Six and I met up with Sher the confused lesbian/bi-sexual/whatever friend for a trip to Assholia with The Boys. We dropped our things at her empty mom's house where we stayed the wee hours of the morning. We got all prettied up, and headed to where The Boys were by the harbor listening to a friend's band under the stars. Sully was there, with H (yes, HIM), T (Yes, HER), T's brother and a bunch of his friends. It was an awkward time, marked with uneasiness on H's part, guilt on Sully's part, annoyance on T's part and a general feeling of disconnectedness among the core group. Six was still fuming in that Tony Soprano mannor. ME, I was taking it all in trying to figure out how to repair it all so I could have my inner circle back in peace.
Sully and I had a heart to heart during a beer run, and I had my chance to explain the pissed-offishness on my part. He finally understands that this is all about the break in the code. The letting down of a friend, of a pact. I love him so much. When he got it, he really got it. And I had to spend the evening trying to convince him that nothing was his fault, and that there was no need to pay me back for anything.
Then as the evening wore on, H and I began speaking in our intuitive language, that has more to do with posture, facial expressions and lame chatter, and in it was a deep apology from him for screwing up. Which I appreciated. Because that means I still mean something. I'm as special to him as he is to me. He's my special buddy, just as Sully is to Six.
But, into the evening, he kept staring at me, causing T to poke at him to get him to focus on her. And there was much touching, brushing up against, and all those other things that mean he's hung up despite his decision. Six thinks that he is regretting his decision big time because neither of them looked happy, and the body language was way off. And you know what? It doesn't matter either way.
I'm moving on. Out of my comfort zone, and into a world that has potential for real dating, real romance and maybe something more. OUTSIDE THE INNER CIRCLE.
And I'm happier and freer that I've been in years.
Oh, and the catty woman inside of me has to tell you this. T needed a guide to the restrooms, and being sober and knowledgable, I took her. We walked away before H knew what was going on and made it into the bathroom before he could catch up with us. As we were walking back, chattering away about how they got back together, H came up behind us and exploded into distraction 101. He was soooo nervous. Which pisses me off a bit. He should trust me better than that. Sissy!
Yeah, I deserve a better fuck-buddy even. Don't I?