2:33 p.m. - 2004-10-25
A friend just called me to share that her husband has asked for a divorce.
I am so honored by this. This girl (Six, you met her at the wine festival briefly) does not get close to people. She doesn't share. She has given me her friendship, and the key to her innermost thoughts, and I am honored by this. When her world fell apart, she called me.
I'm worried about her. Aside from me, she has no emotional support, and our emotional relationship is fledgling. She'll pull through with a brave face, but inside, I think she'll fall to pieces silently. So, I am going to try to be a support system for her. Someone she can talk to who doesn't have anything riding on the relationship like her parents. Someone who won't critisize her or make digs at her husband and marriage.
Everyone needs someone like that. I have lots of someone's like that. Lots of people I know who will be there to pick me up if I fall down. And I have this place, with these people who, in their anonymity, have offered the most sensible and sensitive of advice and comfort.
I look back at my youth, when things were going so horribly wrong, and there was nobody to lean on. Nobody who believed that my perfect life and family weren't perfect. I had no one.
When I walked into school after my dad died, with finger marks on my face and eyes swollen with tears, nobody looked at me. Even those who knew me and my family. Especially them. They were afraid of my mother. Afraid to upset the balance. That was more important to them than making sure the kid was OK.
I will never again be without back-up. I wish I had the friends back then that I have now. I can't imagine Six, Batten, Sully or H putting up with that shit. At the very least, I wouldn't have had to have hidden it from them to make them more comfortable.
Its all bullshit sometimes, isn't it?
But, I will most definately be there for this girl. She reminds me of me not so long ago. Putting on the happy mask to hide the truth from everyone. Being strong in face, but weak in spirit and heart-broken. That's no way to live.