9:25 a.m. - 2004-10-27
Moving on...
Something has been gnawing at the edges of my brain for a while. My living situation. My spending habits, my lack of groundedness and wholeness.
I live with the woman who terroized me for years. Who has the most disgusting relationship with her husband I've ever seen. Who critisizes me, and keeps me down so that I will be under her control for ever more.
I choose to live with her.
I'm choosing to live in a painful situation.
This needs to change. No matter what my financial issues are, they are only getting worse as I try to deal with the pain of my relationship with my family. Its time to move on. I know that now. And I am beginning to look into resources for living arrangements.
I'm hoping and praying for a roomie. Someone I can trust and get along with who will make a home with me. Ideally, I would like to live in the town between work and The City. I don't really know anyone who lives there, but I have resources and will be looking into it.
There's some freedom to that realization. And fear. Fear that I won't get along with my roomie. Fear of moving expenses and family reactions. Fear of failure.
But I'm a brave Zen. I can and will make it work.
I'm off to look at the listings now to see what kind of expense I'm looking at. Wish me luck!
