10:40 a.m. - 2004-12-05
I went for my post-op appt and when the nurse exited the room, he sat down and said, "Zen, I know you're intelligent, so I'll explain this to you. You're 33, not 23 and these tumors will probably continue to come back until you go through menopause or have a hysterectomy. So, I think its time you either got knocked-up, get artificially inseminated, or make that decision. Now, not later, not a year from now. Now."
(Imagine an atomic bomb going off. That's pretty much how I felt.)
Even though I had pretty much determined that I would not be baby bearer, but an adopted mom or step-mom instead, it made me cry. Sob. I'm OK with not being a baby bearer as long as its my CHOICE. I know with my blood pressure being high and my back being whacked out, it would be risky, so I am ok with making a choice to adopt or be a step-mom. I am not OK with having my girl parts removed at 33, especially knowing what happens to women afterward. Women my age often become depressed, lose their sexual identity, and lose one of their most important sexual organs. I've been with my friend through this process, and she has still not recovered fully, though its years later now.
The tumors I get are not life threatening, unless they get so big that they cause other organs to strangle. And I am OK with having to have surgery every few years if I have to in order to keep my options open and remain whole. I also understand that there are other treatment options available, such as the treatment Cond1 Rice just received for the same problem I have.
So, I had an appointment with my family practitioner later in the afternoon because I was sick (still am, but better). I told him what had transpired. And he was raving mad. He couldn't believe that my GYN would say such a thing, and he agreed that the options presented to me were extreme and nonsense. So he's fixing me up with another GYN whom he respects and will look at my case with intelligence and a modern perspective. I feel much better now.
You never know. 7 years from now, there may be a miracle treatment for degen disks and arthritis that will sure up my spine. And if I get down to my ideal weight, the blood pressure and cholesterol should normalize. Since that is the plan, I have no reason to dismiss the possibility of having children myself, if I should change my mind down the road.
So that was the start of my weekend. Lovely, huh?
The rest of it has been spent in bed or on the couch, nursing myself for a sinus, throat, ear and lung infection. At least I didn't thave to go to NY with my mom. Phwew! Dodged that bullet. All she did this morning was complain about how much her feet hurt her, and how rude everyone was. I'm a SO glad I wasn't there to bear it in person.
I'm going to get my hair colored and cut now. So my hair stylist can comment on the grey hairs. Young bitch... At least people still think I'm in high school. I still get carded for R movies and lottery tickets on occasion. Take that!