7:47 p.m. - 2005-01-19
Dear friend,
Entry three:
I went to the card store at lunch to pick up an encouragement card for my bookstore friend. We talked yesterday, and he unloaded a hell of a lot of grief. You see, his wife of 8 years left him last year around January. Just left. No prior warning, no indication of unrest, nothing. Its been over a year, and he still grieves. He lost his job back then because he couldn't function. He's been struggling to make ends meet ever since, as he's been on unemployment and working two days a week.
He just told me yesterday that his car was repossessed, and he'll be losing his apartment soon. And the thing that tore him up the most was that he'll have to give up his cat. He thought that was so stupid. He beats himself up for noting getting over his love for his ex, and for loving his cat.
What a shame it is for someone to hate himself for loving. I hope one day I'm lucky enough to have a husband with that kind of devotion. I will. I know it.
He is a writer, and has been struggling to find employment in that arena for months. It frustrates and hurts him that he may have to give up on his dream for a while to make ends meet.
So I bought the card, and wrote this letter to him.
Bookstore friend,
It seems that life is giving you one big, hard kick in the ass lately. Not a comfortable place to be. Actually, a pretty suck ass place to be. I don't blame you for feeling sad and lonely and fearful of yet another loss. At some point, everyone hits rock bottom. If anything could be turned upside down, or inside out it was. I've seen the ups and downs through the eyes of an empathetic friend.
I grew up Catholic. And although I don't practice anymore, and don't really believe, I still look to the saints for inspiration. I sort of adopted Joan of Arc when I was a kid, because I figured I'd have to do a lot of fighting to make it in this world. I figure yours would be St. Jude. He's the one folks turn to for illness, depression, relationship problems, financial problems, addictions, etc. So, I'll send up a prayer for you, just in case it's true.
Hang in there. Take care of the basics for now. The rest will come. I know the heart of a writer. I've been blessed with close friendships to a few -- some successful, some struggling to find work. You folks have more dark times than light. Maybe it has something to do with the creative drive or something. Whatever it is, you are in the right place to do some incredible growth. I'm glad your there with me.
I also gave him my phone #, since we haven't exchanged yet, and gave him the numbers of some pet shelters that do medium term to long term fostering so he doesn't have to give up his cat for good.
I'll give him the card and letter tomorrow at the bookstore.
This guy has really ouched my heart. From the beginning, I've felt a kinship with him, like we could have been siblings. Maybe it is the writer in him that I feel the affnity for. My dearest friend is a writer, and there are so many more dear ones in my life. Maybe he just feels like home. In any case, I hope the words help. If not the words, maybe the gesture. He's feeling pretty alone right now.
