2:04 p.m. - 2005-06-23
Vacation in bullets.
My mini vacation with Six and the Six mom can be summed up as bullet points.
1) I named one of my least favorite people "The Doushe Dome" and laughed until I cried streams.
2) "No asshole in the pool!!!" howled at the top of my lungs in an obscure accent is the funniest thing EVER!
3) I wet my pants the first day.
4) I had a one night stand with several gay bartenders.
5) I ate dinner on the beach next to two humping horseshoe crabs.
6) We missed Sully so much that we called him from the beach bar and said, "I'm so dwunck and you're not..." or something like that. I really don't remember it well.
7) I kept seeing men who looked like Sully, whom we affectionately call Buttcrack due to some jeans slippage problems in the late eighties/early nineties.
8) I learned how to pee like a man off the balcony and thought it was the most hilarious thing ever.
9) I got carded for cigarettes AND booze.
10) I discovered a new species of mammel I dubbed "midget dolphins".
Explanation:
1) I'll just leave that one alone because I feel mean enough as it is. But man, was it funny!
2) Roving into the hotel raving drunk one night after the gay bartenders kept topping off our drinks while we weren't looking, giving us samples of every frozen concoction they made and throwing freebies our way -- I wanted to take a dip in the indoor pool. But it was locked and barred. So I looked at Six with sad puppy eyes, and screamed "It says NO ASSHOLE IN THE POOL!!!"
3) My first little adventure down to the water resulted in a crotch shot of ocean water up my leg. I looked like a woman who forgot to pack her Depends walking back to the room.
4) Monday night Six and I sat at a beach bar where 5 of the cutest, flittiest gay bartenders flirted with us like mad, and one of them showed me his very nice ass on several occasions. They kept our bellies full of rum and charged us about half the tab. Love...
5) It was a very National Geographic moment when we were eating dinner, and a crowd of kids stood over the water giggling as asking questions like, "How do horseshoe crabs make babies?" Well, the crabs were going at the baby making with gusto right there in the "dining room." So to speak...
6) That night is one giant ball of gay men gave me to much rum fuzz. I do remember roaring something fierce all night long though.
7) But, we actually pointed and said "Buttcrack!" Ooops.
8) When we straggled into the room, and got the requisite glasses of water, I walked out to the balcony, where I proceeded to dribble the water over the railing onto the sand below. Then I discovered that if I dribbled it over the stairs, it made a cooler sound. I was so impressed because I thought I was peeing like a man. Then Six came to get me and said, "Pee pee over. Time for bed."
9) The beach must take fifteen years off my face. That rocks!
10) I was watching the dolphins (my first!!!!) from the balcony one morning and saw the cutest baby dolphin jumping out of the water, just like in a painting. It seemed sort of short and chubby, so I named it a midget dolphin. I'm just like a scientiest baby!
