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3:36 p.m. - 2005-07-10
Queen of the Penises
There is so much to write about. We met up with a slew of wonderful, colorful D-landers this weekend and my head is still spinning. I'm so wiped out!

So, for now, I leave you with this:

I am the Queen of the penises!

Yup. Me.

It all started with H and his magic ass getting between me and my view of a humongous ex-pro football player at The Bar. I just wanted to look. I didn't want to have it. But, it was a novelty item and I wanted to drink it in a bit. But, H decided to be territorial and keep himself between me and my novelty, and he wouldn't keep his hands off me.

He kept grabbing my boobs repeatedly despite my telling him to fuck off. I guess that was supposed give off a message that I was his girl, or maybe make me horney. Who knows, but I set him straight.

I HATE when men grab my boobs in that silly, stupid, disrespectful way. Its happened before when drunk strangers have approached me in bars. Its earned a couple painful balls and a black eye or two. I even knocked a man off his raft in Belize once.

My expectations of my close friends, especially one I've shagged, are much higher. But, he insisted on being an ass to let Mr. Football player know I was not available and get me revved up for a night of sex.

I got revved up alright. But, not for sex... I called him out on the sidewalk and threatened his life in a WWF-style challenge.

I won.

Even Sully placed his bet on me up front. I was on fire.

There is a not so fine line that distinguishes pawing in the middle of a crowded bar from playful ass grabs, and gentle squeezes in the right places in a quiet corner.

The distinction is lost on him. And so am I.

So, there you have it. I won the battle of the bad penises. I walked off with my pride, my honor, and my body intact, and didn't give in to raging 30 something hormones that were crying out for a human dildo.

Even dildos can be too stupid and annoying sometimes.

I'll stick with my Pearl Panther until a real, grown up man presents himself at the feet of the Queen of the Penises.


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