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9:50 a.m. - 2005-07-11
An introduction to Assholia.
Well, the Queen of the Penises had a lovely weekend all around. I slept a bit last night, but not as much as I would have liked, because I was having those kinds of intense vivid dreams that make you more tired than awake in the morning.

But, on to the weekend.

Friday night we met up with Youdunnome at The Bar. He walked in after parking his bike (which I forgot to check out) and given he was clean, intelligent looking and had all his teeth, we assumed he was the D-lander who came to visit.

We wandered out to the picnic table to chat, and I swear it felt like we'd done it a hundred times before. Like he'd been part of the Asshole crew since college like the rest of us.

The evening found him surrounded by Assholian women of all kinds, including Six's sis and her friend, Six's co-worker Dee, Goose's wife and Dancin Mike's wife's friend K.

Conversation swam around penises, balls, dildos, animal lust, and all sorts of questions as to visible piercings and those that might be hidden from public view. In truth, the Assholian ladies were hungry for new blood, and attacked with a friendly sort of viciousness.

Even My Goose came out to introduce himself by asking for belly rubs. Not just the ladies either. Goose is an equal opportunity belly rub fiend. I guess...

The man didn't blink an eye. No warm up period, no blushing, no crying Uncle. I'm telling you, be was a born Assholian.

Dude - you can come back to visit any time. We'll keep the beer cold.

On to Saturday, we met up with Duranfanatic - his majesty of the computer, his friend S, Dolphie - mistress of the long ass golden hair and huge blue eyes, Rachelliz - the party animal and Batten - who took time out of her busy summer sailing schedule to hang with us other D-landers ; )

Dinner was awesome, and Duranfanatic treated us to some of his sneaky dry wit. He's one of those reads you have to watch out for, because as soon as you take that sip of water, it'll come sailing out your nose and onto you keyboard.

Dolphie is the cutest over. Looks and personality. She's so sunny and bright and is trying to drag me kicking and screaming into her Central Perk chat room. Don't worry Dolph, I'll get there to check it out.

The date machine Rach shared some juicy updates, and pics of her new condo which is gorgeous! Our girl did good.

Batten, Six and I just drank in the interaction with friends new and old, feeling the bonds of shared ideas, stories and comraderie.

Then we took them all to Assholia central...

In true Assholian fashion, I saw the back of a hugely muscled, tatooed, shaved headed man and might have stared a bit. I mentioned him to Six outside, and she gave me one of those "listen to me closely because you're about to be an sss" looks. She said, "he looks like he wants to eat my weasels. He's nasty. Did you see the face?" Or something close to that.

And yes, she was right. Duran and his bud wanted to see him, so I took them in for a peek, and sure enough, he looked like a pet eating monster.

Sometimes I may go a little over the top in my quest for big and ugly.

I admit I'm a brat sometimes. But its all in pursuit of the right man for the Zen. Which, in the end, will probably not be someone so big and ugly his mother won't see him without a bag on his head, but someone slightly off kilter with enough steadiness to be open and devoted, and enough quirk to keep me guessing what he'll do next.

But, I will go being Queen of the Penises until I find that one penis I want to settle with for the long run.

In any case, I promise that if anyone else visits Assholia, you will be made welcome, but weasel eaters and dildo conversation are not guaranteed. But you could always take a rain check.

________________________________________ BTW - I got my hair cut last Thursday. It sucks. The cut was a cute idea, and I can kind of work it into something close to what I wanted, but overall, it sucks and I can't wait for it to grow out an inch so I can go to someone who does a more modern cut. The haircut biotch cut 5 inches off the bottom, which is OK, but she also gave me short bangs which I haven't had for years, and I don't know what to do with them. She then put some weird layers in it that just sort of look stupid. Not even messy modern. Just stupid. Argh!


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