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8:29 p.m. - 2005-08-07
For Friday, go back one.

The next morning Sully, Six and I got up and went to breakfast at a little greek diner type place. The owner was there and I noticed that he kept poking his head out of the kitchen door and monitoring my plate.

He eventually came out and took over for the waitress and flirted his old greek ass off with me. I was blushing up a storm, as is my usual when Mediteranean men feed and flirt with me. Its the whole Italian waiter thing... Anyway, I think the guy was looking for a new mistress, because his wife had just caught him cheating after 30 years and he lost his last one. Apparently she caught him because his mistress from 30 years ago had a daughter by him, and the daughter showed up on his doorstep sometime this year. Then he went on and on about what a bitch this woman was, and how she was a beast for having the baby, and then telling the adult child who her father was. And now his kids are all angry because they will have less inheritance. So to him, women are God's worst mistake and are nothing but crap. And he went into an elaborate description of how to cheat but not get caught.

Some people are just beyond my realm of imagination.

I stopped blushing.

And started snarking.

In retrospect, I should have scooped up a huge forkful of spagetti and lobbed it at him. If I were in full on asshole mode, I have no doubt it would have happened. God's worst mistake my ass...

After that, we threw our nasty, flawed selves into the pool and floated the afternoon away. There's nothing like it.

That night, H took us to a place he's been hanging out at for a while with another of his buds. It is VERY cool. I met titty man (from Sixweasels' journal) and got serenaded. I also got propositioned, big surprise, given Six's experience. He said, "nice rack...blah, blah, blah." I said, "I know." Then he got his friend to talk him up. Friend told me titty was a millionairre in the carpet business (and thought I wouldn't catch on to the funny ha ha inuendo there...) and also that he is brilliant.

Oooooh. Money, brians and songs about tittys. Lemme at him. How soon can I get a marriage license?

I did have a bit of sport with them, given I had a couple of vodkas to loosen up the ole acid tongue. But, I had finally met my match on the sarcasm/wit level. Titty far outranks me. I gave up the crown. I couldn't walk him into his own noose for anything. Damn! So, I went running over to the protective presence of H. If I couldn't outwit the Tit, I was damn well going to tuck myself in with the largest asshole in the bar.

Its kind of a bad habit. H has become my safety zone of sorts. When other man scare me, or in this case, out wit me, I go running to H to keep me safe. I'm such a baby. Not that I made any moves, or made a big ass of myself or anything. But, still...

We ended the evening of my defeat eating pizza at Sully's, listening to music far too loud, and talking up a storm. I ended up passing out hours before the three of them in the big, ole easy chair. Its pretty comfy if you curl yourself up into a ball on the bottom of it with your feet haning off the arm.

I dreamed about the manager of my gym. He's a super handsome guy with a nice but not overly done build. I've never had the hots for him, but in my dream last night, we were going out and were at the house of one of the Cancun girls and the other girls were there too (the blond aerobics instructors I went to Cancun with a couple years ago). I remember vaguely feeling like he belonged with one of them, but feeling confident of my own charms and being OK in a situation which would make most women cringe.

So I had a dream about having good self esteem, but feeling the edge of jealousy/lack of confidence.

Weird. Because usually dreams tell you what you don't know. Not what you know already. Maybe on some deeper levels I have a bit of disquiet about myself. But on the surface, I feel really confident most days. Lately I've been in a slump, but my clothes are fitting looser and I've got my old spunk back and was walking around like I was the shit this weekend.

I guess my brain was reminding me that I still have some shit to work on and it may have to do with coming to terms with my body image. Not looking forward to that. I like feeling hot and pretty. But I have a nagging feeling that I have covered up a deeper issue by convincing myself that I have good self esteem. It sounds weird, I know, but that's what it is.

On the the next challenge. This self improvement shit is hard. Fun, exciting, but hard. This is the last major hump I think. The one that is still eating at my guts. I'll be glad to have it over with.

Next weekend promises more assholery as we celebrate SIXWEASELS's BIRTHDAY in one way or another. Yup. Our girl is having a birthday next weekend. Go give her some luvin!


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