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7:16 p.m. - 2005-08-14
Pants off, teeth on.
I'm back from the land of the living dehydrated.


That was one hell of an evening out.

When I woke up Saturday morning, I had a fuzzy recollection of harrassing the titty man, taking off my pants and biting somebody.

As the day wore on, and Sully and Six recanted stories ala Vodka Zen, it call became clear.

I apparently harrassed the poor Titty, who, not being drunk yet, was too embarrassed to sing. It took a good amount of talking, apparently so much that he said to me, "Little girl, I'm old, I'm tired, and I want you to stop talking to me. I don't even like titties. I mean, you have a nice rack and all, but I'm a downtown man. I go straight downtown."

I was ruthless though. And extraordinarily drunk and peppy, so I won.

But then, I got all responsible feeling and thought it was my civic duty to make sure this guy got laid in the next quarter century. So I laid into him about how you have to work the boobies before going down town or you will never get to go dowtown again. Just call me Dr. Ruth. I was convinced that this man needed my help. He just shook his head and looked at me with awe and disbelief.


I also remember going from man to man getting them to go over and give Six some birthday luvin. Some even went for seconds without my prompting.


Then, because Six hadn't talked to him yet, adn it was her birthday, we called out to Archangel to tell him "how fucking drunk, or haafffffffukkeendwwonk" we were. Because, why not?

Then we called a dude friend of ours from the great lakes and I think I remember saying "fuck you" about eight or so times, then handing the phone (which died, damn it, I'm getting a new one) over to Six for a chat. I'm not quite sure why I felt it necessary to cuss the Dude out so profusely (blah, blah, blah), or maybe I do, but I'm sure he knew I meant it affectionately.

But the best part was when we got home to Sully's and I decided that I was too hot to wear pants anymore and promptly took them off as soon as I hit the living room. With Six, Sully and H all laughing their asses off at me.

Its not like I ran around the house half naked with my pants on my head or anything. I quickly located my pj shorts and threw them on like a good little girl.

But then, H, being an ass, kept grabbing my boobs in that oh so sexy way that makes my ears spout steam and I kept hitting him ( its not domestic violence if the guy is twice your size and 5 times as hard. Its like hitting a tree stump...). Besides, he was violating my body. So I whacked him good. But, that didn't stop him. He was unstoppable. So I leapt at him, tried to grab him around the throat to make my point clear, but slipped to the floor, because I was drunk, and landed a huge bite on his leg that left a red welt.

As Six says, how would a guy like us girls grabbing him in the balls in a not gentle, stupid, silly way?

That bite made him stop.

I think I got his hand for good measure.

But then, I just sort of melted into the carpet and had a snooze.

I ended up in the lounge chair at some point in the night and woke up several hours later with a splitting headache. So I downed some gatorade and went back to sleep.

I felt tons better by the end of the evening.

Six and I spent most of the day immersed in the pool. I played sharks and minnows and other pool games with the kiddos while Six relaxed on a float relaxing.

Then Batten joined us up and we headed to dinner at the restuarant where the pervert owner wants me to be his next kept woman, and headed back home to Six's momma's to watch drag queens (because its not a birthday without drag queens), eat chocolate, and float in the pool some more because it was so stinkin hot.

If anyone lives where its really, really cold right now and wants a house guest, let me know. Because I'm tired of being steamed, broiled or fried each and every day. Really, if you just want to write to me about how cool and lovely it is, I LOVE weather porn.


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