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9:43 p.m. - 2005-10-19
This is me.

Everybody be sure to wish Sixweasels a "Happy AnniversiNot" next Friday. All of her single girlfriends are gathering to initiate her into the world of new penises and booty calls.

Because that's what single girls are all about of course.

Don't worry. I'll post a reminder.

Back to my diary:

I had a lovely dinner with my friend J and her two kiddos in my apartment tonight. Her daugher is so cool to be with. She's at that age where she's still a little girl becoming a woman, and has a crushie thing on Ger@rd But1er just like me. Only she hangs posters and creates charactors on the S1MS named after her and "Gerry". Too cute, huh?

We ate Middle Eastern food prepared by moi (OK, the serious stuff was made my Tasti Bite). It was really easy and good. I love that they share a taste for multi-cultural food, music and experiences. Her 6 year old son walked in a immediately said, "Why is your apartment so small?", then "I like your music!"

I was playing Arabic belly dancing music. He was really grooving to it. I think he'd freak if he saw me belly dancing. He'd probably join in.

To his apartment question, I answered, "Its big enough for just me. I don't like to waste space or resources." Which is completely true. It wasn't only the price. Its that I believe that huge homes with only a couple people living in them waste our natural resources. People are so hung up on having the biggest and the best with no regard to the environment.

We have a lot to learn as a society about what is important. We place so much value in owning property. When all people really need is enough food, water, shelter, medicine and love to survive.

I'm not advocating communes, and I'm not about to run about naked or go all free love on ya'all.

Its just that we place so much importance on what we own, letting people define us by our land, homes, cars, clothes, jewels, etc. When really, we want people to see who we are inside. Important, special, capable, intelligent, generous, etc.

I've been caught up in it in the past. Which is why I'm 34, an executive, well connected, and a POV.

Yes, I'm a pov. Because I lived like a queen for ten years as I racked up the credit card bills to back up the lifestyle. Trying to keep up with friends who expected me to be as affluent as them.

Fuck that. I learned that having made finanial screwups and developing eating disorders in the past does not mean I'm a failure. I'm not a fuck up. I'm not insane.

I had fucking deep issues and I was crying out for help that nobody believed "someone like me" would ever need.

Fuck that too.

I hope that I will never again wake up to find myself living to someone else's expectations. Nor wishing for their approval.

Amen, huh?


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