1:54 p.m. - 2006-01-11
More on you know who.
I think I have Max somewhat figured out. I think he's depressed due to extreme circumstances and trying to take the macho (aka strong/avoiding) way out by denying emotion and tears. Harmless, unless you want a real, deep, balanced relationship with him.
He doesn't skeeve me out, he just strikes me as not ready for a real, deep, intimate relationship, which he freely admits, in his roundabout Caribbean way. His mom has been on his ass to get over himself for years now. That's the part that bugs me. I tend to be attracted to men who've suffered as much as me, but aren't as far along in the healing process as I have drawn blood, sweat and tears to get to.
Instead he runs away to the sea. A necessary evil on one hand, and a really good way to escape family and emotional obligations on the other. I think the love thing is just a weird respect thing or maybe its being used in a different way. He's always been playful when he's said it.
And if I look at myself, I have multiple personality traits that coem and go with the breeze. I'm like a box of chocolates in that respect. And in any case, I'm not going to know what's going on unless I spend more time with him finding out. And in the meantime, I'm keeping my options open. I don't rush into anything these days. too cynical.
I'm physically safe with him. He's a good man. Just another one who embodies many of my favorite charactoristics, but lacks that step beyond survival instinct, which is a deep desire to live well and fully, damn the torpedoes.`
Freakin' island-mon...
Anyway, I've been tagged again and again to write 5 freaky things about myself, and 5 guilty pleasures. Which I will do. Just as soon as I get back from the post office and the coffee shop.
