9:45 a.m. - 2006-03-06
Feel free to take this quiz as well. I make the following promises:
1 - I know donkey about gourmet food.
Here it is:
This quiz is entitled WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SHIT ON MY PLATE? So shall we begin? By all means. Here is an example of a question/answer and a bit of history:
Question: NEWBERG This fancy chafing-dish preparation, though originally used for Lobster, is now used for shrimp, mussels, and other crustaceans. What are its chief ingredients?
A. Shallots, Madeira, cream, and sometimes a small amount of tomato paste
Answer: (A.) And now a little history; Captain Ben Wenburg desired culinary immortality. He taught the chef at Delmonico's, at the time one of the most famous restaurants in the US, how to make the dish, and it was named Lobster Wenburg on the menu. But the Captain and the owner of Delmonico's had a huge fight, some say over the Captain's Cabin Boy (Sweet Tommy), others say it was over the one eyed tasty Lizzie a working Girl in the brothel that was situated over the restaurant. The owner who either lost Sweet Tommy or one eyed Lizze to the Captain had Lobster Wenburg removed from the menu entirely. Because the dish was sooo popular he was force to return the item to the menu but, the owner was a smart man and got his revenge by changing the letters around to spell Lobster Newberg. Okay, I might have made up the part about sweet Tommy and one eyed Lizzie I can't remember exactly :-) Sweetie have at it. I'll post the answers in the next day or two.
1.) ARGENTEUIL. This is a town in which a particularly famous item is reputed to be the best in all of France. The Froggies, oophs I mean the French, in general, do not consider anything but French produce to come under the rubric "the Best." You would find that any dish labeled "Argenteuil" would contain:
A. Miniature artichokes
Answer: B. Asparagus. I once bought an eyeliner named argent, and it was silver. I've seen greyish/white asparagus before, so it must be B.
2.) AURORE This particular effect, or sauce, or dish is named after Aurore, the Goddess of Dawn, and we all know how a Goddess looks at Dawn just kidding girls geesh. It will normally contain:
A. Eggs that were just laid that morning
Answer: A + B. I know for sure, that I , a godess in her own right, do not wake up in the morning looking fresh and dewy. However, I would feel fresh and dewy were I to have been freshly laid...
3.) BEARNAISE Something prepared in the style of Bearn, in France. Henry the IV was born in Bearn and likes to take credit for the sauces of Bearn's, one look at his huge ass and you might agree. Anything you get with this title will normally include:
A. Shallots and Tarragon (plus other items but always these two)
Answer: OK. Bear also means a large, furry animal who likes to eat fish, wild game and stupid, or mishappen people. However, when pickins are slim, a bear will also forage for things that grow. I'm pretty sure that there are no rice paddies in the northern 48, Canada or Alaska. And bears don't drink wine, because they can't afford it. So the answer is A. Definately shallots and taragon.
4. BECHAMEL This famous sauce, named after Louis de Bechamel, has certain very special characteristics: (its believed he suckled his Mother's breast until he was 11, was a dancer and designed women's under clothing for all his male friends) Just kidding I think.
A. Green peas and red wine
Answer: Mmmm. Tough one. OK. Green peas and red wine are about as gross together in a sauce as a kid breast feeding at 11. (No offense meant to any natural types who may carry on with the breast feeding thing into the later years. Its just that I was brought up kinda puritanical that way. Its purely environmental.) So, that leaves a cream sauce and a milk sauce (ewww - mental image - shiver). I'm going with C. Everybody knows that potatoes with cream is scalloped potatoes, not "Potatoes Bechemel". Jeez!
5.) BILLI-BI This is a soup named after William B. Leeds, an American Tin Executive and Magnate in whose honor the soup was made at Maxim's in Gay Parie (actually it was made in Paris and I don't believe William was Gay). Because, as you all know in French B is written Phonetically as "bi," the soup turned into Billi-bi (I don't think many called him Billi and he's still not bi) Mr. Leeds enjoyed his soup, made of:
A. Truffles and asparagus
Answer: (Staring at the monitor with a slack mouthed blank look...)
6.) CESAR SALAD (or CAESAR) Now International but, according to most authorities, developed by Cesar Cardini in his restaurant in TJ (Tijuana Mexico) which is right around the corner from the infamous Blue Note Nudie Bar featuring Donkey shows...Yes there really are Donkey shows :-O The salad usually involves:
A. Chili peppers and avocados
Disclaimer: When I said donkey before, I swear I hadn't read this question yet. I had no idea that there would really be donkeys in the quiz!!!
Answer: B. I just lost me breakfast over the raw eggs and furry fish though...
7.) CHANTILLY Along with being the name of a lovely racetrack and an exquisite chateau, Chantilly is a particularly fancy dessert in and of itself, also an accompaniment to other desserts. It is said if you serve a woman Chantilly before retiring for the evening you may slip into her Chantilly lace underthings :-) It is:
A. Fresh raspberries strained and made into a sauce
Answer: I don't know, but I'm thinking I just bought some Chantilly lace underthings last week and some nice whipped cream would make a lovely dessert on Max. Uh...I mean a lovely dessert for Max, shit! I mean a lovely dessert...
8.) CHATEAUBRIAND Though known for his place in history, Chateaubriand lives on in the cookbooks for a particular way he developed for cooking a steak, which is no longer made that way but still bears his name. The man and the food is one of my favorites. He was a great writer/diplomat/ladies man. His book Memoirs from the Grave inspired many. He often wrote of freedoms for the individual and not the country (maybe our leaders should remember that). He was friends of the Courts of King Louie the XVI and the Emperor Napoleon the Ist, also loved by the common man, a diplomat to London, Rome and Berlin. It was often said by women who knew him that listening to Chateaubriand speak could leave one's under garments damp. It was whispered he had great knowledge and stamina in the bedroom, apparently he was a walking chubby. He did have away of bring out the sensual pleasures in words, ladies he's a great read. Enough of that what was his method for cooking steak:
A. The steak was cooked covered with salt, which formed a crust and was broken off before
Answer: Definately B. Tis guy was a pervert, and perverts think of things like "steak" sandwiches.
9.) DEMI-DEUIL This style of preparation means in the "half- mourning." It is not common, you won't find it at Burger King or Denny's, but it does occur in restaurant where the specialty is chicken...Now I know the name sounds funny but it is not what you'd find in a baby's diaper. The chicken will arrive:
A. With half of it cooked as brown as possible, and half white meat
Answer: This is really the first one that tempted me to utilize my web magic. "A" sounds kind of stupid. Because all chicken are half brown and half white. B is very possible. Like a veil of dark over white. Its symbolism heavy. And I know those gourmet chefs like their symbolism. I mean, look at the classic black and white cookie? And how about those Sticky "Buns"? I mean, where do all those calories go? "Buns" right? So, the answer is...wait. Where the hell am I? Oh that's right. Um. I hate truffles, so C is out on principal. So the answer is definately B.
10.) FLORENTINE There is one ingredient that will always be found in any dish with florentine in its name, a practice started when a French King married one of the de Medicis from Florence. It is a constant:
A. Always Lobster
Answer: I LOVE spinich!!! Florentine me baby! A.
12.) A LA MAISON This item is extremely common on the menus of most restaurants When you order anything "a la maison," you have the right to expect:
A. That the item will contain beef juice
Answer: That just wasn't right Michael...
13.) MARENGO The name is usually a description of chicken, as that is all there was left after the battle of Marengo. Apparently Napoleon's chef tried to prepare a dinner for the Emperor, the choices were A Liver and Shit sandwich or chicken, (Napoleon had just finished eating shit at the battle of Marengo so it was chicken) It contains:
A. Wood mushrooms and forest ferns
Answer: I think that forest ferns would give me gas, and most likely Napoleon as well. And "Marengo" sounds so lively and vivacious. So I'm going with the tomatoes an mushrooms, hold the mushrooms. C.
14.) ROCKEFELLER Usually used to mean oysters prepared in a certain. The oysters were considered to be so rich that this name was the equivalent to saying "millionaire oysters."
A. Spinach and pernod, as far as can be determined by others, but its a family secret at
Answer: If you ever feed me oysters or mushrooms I'll have your hide tanned. Who gives a crap what's in them? Oysters are sea snot. Beach loogies. Sand boogers.
I'm out of questions. I do feel somewhat stimulated and entertained though. Hmmm. And hungry.