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10:43 a.m. - 2006-05-09
Making Over Bawlmer.
Six (The Outpost) just reminded me about the "Boobs of Doom".

You know the ones. Boobs that are so large, they're like those exercise balls you plunk your ass on to do sit-ups at the gym, only they're oblong instead of round and perky. And you know, they almost always belong to a woman who is about 4 -5 feet tall.

Now, I know it cannot be helped. Mother nature endows her daughters with whatever amount of boobage she deems necessary. But, sometimes she gets all out of control, and the proportions get freakish.

I happen to know something about this matter. Not that I'm built freakishly, but I am rather on the endowed side and know for a fact that if you put the girls in the right bra (yes, ladies, you actually have to put them in a bra on a daily basis) they will stay where they belong. On your chest, not your knees.

There is nothing worse than seeing a woman with sandbags resting on either side of her belly, when it could have been prevented by daily use of a decent bra, with the straps adjusted appropriately. This means no tanktops with "built in bra shelf", no tanktops sans bra (ewww just ewww), and no unwired handkerchiefs with the back strap to loose it slaps you upside the head. It also helps to pull the shoulder straps to the legnth that keeps the girls under your chin, rather than under your knees.

And let it be said that nobody is going to mistake your boobs for your stomach. Nobody. It doesn't work that way, even if you think it does in the mirror.

You'd be surprised how many ladies Six and I saw walking the streets looking like this. What was even more sad, was that these ladies insisted on wearing the frumpiest of poodle style skirts WITH socks and shoes, which made them look like they had no legs to boot.

I've been know to go out in some wacky get-ups at times, but I'm always appropriately brazziered, and I would never wear anything that blatently cut me off at the knees or made me look chubbier. And please tell me that poodle skirts are not all the rage. Because we saw an aweful lot of them, especially on plus sized ladies of short stature, who could have looked very cute and attractive with appropriate clothing.

It is possible. I see it every day. Women of all shapes and sizes can look beautiful with a dose of common sense.

Six and I should have our own T.V. show. Not that we're style divas ourselves. But we do OK. Even exceptional on occasion. We could change the face of Bawlmer, just the two of us. We could even help hookers make more money by improving their look. Big ole sweatshirts and sweatpants rolled up to the knee will never bring in more than five dollah a pop, no matter how good ya are.


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