4:49 p.m. - 2006-07-05
This Ireland trip is starting to take on a mystical hue in my mind as I wander through web pages filled with pictures, captions and stories of what I will see and hear.
I had a similar feeling about visiting a small island in the Chesapeake a couple years ago. It was a cold, rainy day. Rainy like a monsoon. And I tromped around the island by myself because the other tourists chose to stay on the boat out of the rain. My feet jumped in and out of puddles, rain falling over my hood like a waterfall. I looked about me and wondered what life was like for people who have no cars and see every neighbor on the island from the front porch.
There was a strong pull that brought me to that island that remains. I found it one day while exploring a map in my teens and knew that I would go there. Something intangible that makes me feel tied somehow to the land and the water around it. The few shops that were open were glad of the solitary visitor. There was more chatting than selling. I felt at home in a weird way.
I've always had that feeling about Ireland in a lesser way. Maybe its something to do with heritage or broken family ties, but I've always known that I would go one day and find another piece of my home.
Home is becoming a collage of all my favorite places and experiences. I've never felt tied to one place. I've never had a family home or hometown. My home is wherever I have felt like I belong in this world.
I sometimes wonder if it has to do with past lives, or interwoven stories that I've heard over the years. I have such an image of Ireland, the Ireland I want to be in. And its not so much the people, or the view, but the feeling of standing on the earth, and feeling the peace and soaring flight, which for me are one and the same. I'm never at peace unless I'm standing on foreign earth, listening to the voices of it tell me its story.
It looks like we're going to fly into Shannon, which is a good place to start, because we can see the Cliffs, maybe take a ferry to the Aran islands, then set out to explore the rest of the country. If we're lucky, we'll encounter some cool festivals around Beltaine. Since Max seems to be out of commission, I doubt there will be an October visit, so we can leave a bit earlier than we had anticipated if we choose to.
Yeah. I think Max has given up on us. I think I have too. We haven't made any decisions, but we aren't talking as frequently, and we aren't making plans and I'm not feeling so bad about it.
I think that in the right time and place, Zen-Max would have been a good match. But, as fate would have it, he is there, I am here, and at the end of October he will be halfway across the world. And without the opportunity for interaction, we have little in common to keep us tied in any sort of romantic relationship.
So, I'm letting him go. I hope he keeps in touch. Life would be a little less colorful in many ways without his presence in it.
Onto the next adventure...