8:22 a.m. - 2006-08-08
I sat on the floor last night and fed her with a spoon out of a people bowl to celebrate, and for the first time in weeks, she ate her whole meal. Whatever adjustments he made seemed to help a bit. We'll see over the next couple days whether
I feel like I've gotten a new lease on life.
Tacky, I know, but I understand now. I get it. Yesterday I was so depressed I wanted to skip work, withdraw from everyone I know and pray for death.
Today, I have a reprieve.
I'm scared though. I unburied a lot of shit over the last few days that I didn't realize was still there. And I realize that I still have a load of work to do to heal.
If I'd had to put my baby down yesterday, I really don't know what would have happened to me. And I need to fix that. But I admit it. I want to brush it off and wait till later. I want to take this reprieve and pretend like nothing happened. Because I'm a big sissy and I'm afraid of seeing that darkness again.