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8:35 p.m. - 2007-11-03
Haunted by penises.
I'm a spinster and I'm turning down dates.

That's bad, right?

I mean, I'll be 37 in March, almost 40. Half my life over, and I'm a pathetically romantic old maid with absolutely no prospects in sight.

And I turned down a date last night.

I think it was almost two. But the young guy edged out the old guy by a head.

I was at this local Indian restaurant last night with my yoga friend. We had a very intersting meal. When we complained that our food was too cold, the owner came over (old guy) and hooted and hollered that we were just like Indians, because Indians always complain about their food. Then he went on a long diatribe about eating in India, all the 5 star restaurants he's managed in New York and around the world, how he hates the taste of anything raw, and how he cooks his steak till it could be tossed like a discus, which mage my vegetarian yoga friend turn green.

Then he told us to come back next Saturday so can make us something special. All the while staring me down like a piece of deliious cake. Ewww.

On to the waiter. You know me and waiters... And this gets special...

So, the whole time, I keep telling my yoga friend that the waiter is familiar, and I know him, but have no idea where from. He is a young Indian guy with a very flirty personality who wiggled his eyebrows. Finally, I asked him what I already knew.

Indeed, he worked on a cruise ship, and remembered me as "the girl with the black and white hair". The Max cruise.

Weird, huh?

Then he asked for my number, and told me he wanted to make me a mango martini over the phone, wiggling that unibrow.


Oh, and this is the one we called Anal, which was actually Anil.



Oh, and if you haven't heard about enough dicks yet, I have another one for you.

So, I had a consult with my chiropractor a couple weeks ago, and he asked me where I work. Firstly, he felt sorry for me. Secondly, he told me that he lives next to someone named Richard who works there, who I confirmed as my work neighbor.

Several appts later, the earlier convo forgotten by me, I was laying on my stomach as he did some stuff, and he says, "So, I guess you see a lot of Dick then".

Well, you know me. My first thought was an indignant, "No I do not!", followed quickly with a resounding, "eewww". Second, "What kind of work do you think I do???" Then finally, about 8 second later, "Oh yeah! He sits right outside my office, we talk all the time."

I'm still wondering whether he noticed the pause, and caught on to what awful thoughts I was thinking.

All I can say is thank god I was on my stomach.

That's all.


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