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8:19 a.m. - 2008-05-13
Zencelt subdued.
So, I almost got killed by the hospital last week. I had that minor surgery, then I got an infection through the IV area that almost went systemic and I had to be on very big drugs for a week. I literally lost my mind for a couple days...

I'm all better now, I think. At least, I feel fine.

You know, I think I've been depressed lately. I've never really thought of myself along those lines, but I've just been sort of feeling icky, and negative, and blah, and thinking about shit better forgotten, etc.

That's depression, right? I mean, I don't think its a serious scary kind of depression, just a working too hard, too little life, cutting back on expenses to I can pay back a mountain of debt, haven't had a date in how long???, don't really want a date because I'm too fat to date anyway, which really isn't true but that's the kind of shit thats in my head...

You see?

Anyway, I'm feeling very un-zen, and very un-celt.

And yes, I am pudgier than a thanksgiving turkey, and I certainly don't feel like myself, and yoga can be a real challenge when your buddha belly gets in the way. These are things that make me feel less than myself.

Its such a pain in the ass being me.

Maybe yoga class tonight will prove restorative.


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