7:17 p.m. - 2008-10-28
Melancholy and the Infinite Halloween Party
I was out to dinner at my local diner tonight (something of a local landmark), and noticed all the old men sitting up at the counter eating their homestyle dinners. Alone, but not alone. Sitting next to eachother, among eachother, but not quite with eachother.
The hostess wanted to sit me there too, but I felt too out of place. So I grabbed a table in the family table section. It seated four, but I figured it was better than sitting with a bunch of old men, feeling out of place and out of time, I guess.
They kept staring at me. Probably wondering what a nice girl like me was doing in alone for dinner in the family section of the establishment. I felt like an enigma.
But, it was nice to see these old guys, probably widowers with nowhere to be, and nobody to cook for them anymore, have a place to go and be, and get nourishment without feeling so out of place.
I get tired of aloneness sometimes. Those times when I'm not feeling so optimistic and hopeful. I feel the loneliness bone deep, knowing that my closest friends are too far away to salve my condition with a happy hour at a bar, or dinner and conversation at eachother's homes.
I think about having a roomie, but my place is too small, and I don't know anyone in this area I could live with. The only person I think I could live with is 8.5 hours away by car, which makes for a rough commute... Ha ha.
Anyway, I'm happy for those old guys, but I wonder how they feel when they're alone in their houses at night? I guess I'd rather feel a general sense of loneliness, without the added sense of loss. You can't miss what you never had.
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Next subject. Much less melancholy.
I'm getting prepped for my annual Halloween open house and Trick or Treat bash on Thursday. 80 bucks worth of candy, and tons of food later, I will be sponsoring the number one partay in my town. Hopefully I won't freeze my ass off when I hand out gobs and gobs of candy to all the priveleged and underpriveleged and medium priveleged kids. Mostly underpriveleged. I consider it a form of charity, because I hand out handfuls, not pieces. Kiddies need a treat. And if the kid has small hands, I grab more and throw it into the bag -- unless the parents specify an amount.
But, come on, it only comes once a year. So why not go crazy?
Halloween is my holiday. Mom has Thanksgiving, my brother has Christmas, and I have Halloween.
God. Three more days till vacation starts again. I'm going to be useless for the next few days.
