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9:18 p.m. - 2010-07-20
And life changes course
Wow. Two major things happening right now.

#1 - I have been recruited my Human Resources to work for them. And I have been interviewed by my Super VP for the position of replacing my current VP.

My current VP knows about the replacing him thing.

My Super VP knows about the HR thing.

Oh, and Super VP said I'm at the top of the list to replace current VP.

This corp is like cats. Cats don't seem to realize that I'm not a cat person. Corp doesn't seem to realize that I'm an asshole, not an executive.

I read trashy romance novels, I enjoy drinking vodka irresponsibly, I say fuck more than your average Alaskan fisherman on the weekends, I've never been ambitious, and, well, I'm an asshole.

I had a dream last night that Sully gave me a pile of signed over checks and told me to take the money and not take the promotions.

LOL! But then, I've never listened to anyone. So I'll probably take the VP job, since I think Super VP won't let me take the other one since he wants me for his job.

So, I'll go with the flow if all works out.

#2 - I've been contacted on FB by a friend from my freshman year at Highschool. We remained friends until she got married, and ceased calling me.

This silence started the day after her wedding reception at my house. That my parents and I arranged. All the planning, rentals, purchasing, decorating, cleaning, etc. We opened up our home to this couple and their families who stayed in our house for a week.

All that, and everything went off without a hitch. Everyone but the groom was happy. He hid in the barn the entire time. Never said thank you.

My friend tried to make up for it, but so it went.

My parents were outraged. I was hurt.

But I wasn't going to cut off my friend. I called her the next day to check in. Left a message. Haven't heard from her until today.

I accepted her friending on FB. And I sent a message back to her saying we should get together soon. Because, I feel that it was an important relationship and I've had a bit of a hole in my life since. After 15 years, I guess it's time to forgive.

There were 4 of us. A, M, S and I. And it's funny. We watched that movie Stand by Me together. And amazingly, each of us fit perfectly with one of the charactors.

S was Gordie, M was Vern, A was Teddy, and, of course, I was Chris, the River Phoenix charactor, who got killed in the end trying to break up a fight.

We were all so awkward, and scared, and in need of someone to have our backs. And we were that for eachother, except for those times when the girls would fight over a boy. And I, ever the peace maker, would
step back and play Switzerland - trying to get everyone back together again.

So, yeah. A I'm still friends with. She's the mother of my god-kids.

M is living about 1/2 hour away with her hubby and six kids, totally wrapped up in her life.

And S, has been living her life, with the same horrible man, has children so I hear, but i have no idea who she's becoem in my absence.

I guarantee that none of them would have seen me as a potential VP of a Global corporation back then. A diplomat maybe, S thought I'd be a nun.

I thought I'd be in the government, Foreign Service maybe, with a few kids, and a supportive husband who was as head over heals in love with me as I was with him.

Instead, I've spent the last 20 years feeling sorry for myself, getting health issues, avoiding getting my heart broken, and getting promoted every couple of years.

But, really? I think I can be proud. I've become a strong, independent, compassionate, soulful person. And even if I've made some bad choices, and gotten myself into some scrapes (i.e. money, health, men), I've also have a flourishing imagination which has sheltered me from many a storm, and a survival instinct that has kept me going when others would have given up on life.

I'm realizing though, that there are some things I can do to make myself prouder.

I can go places I've been wanting to go to regardless of plans falling though, or lack of a side kick. I've wanted to go to Ireland, and Great Britain for as long as I can remember. And I'd given up on that dream because nobody wanted to go with me.

I'm going to make that happen someday soon. Maybe not this year, but definately before I get too old to truly enjoy it.

Anyway, I could go on forever.

But the long and short of it is, I'm going to stop blaming my sucky love life on my job. And my health, and everything else that I think is wrong with me. I'm going to jump in full force, in my own way, and stop whining that it's ruining my life. Because it will eventually enable to to go more places, do more stuff, have more stuff I want, and help people who need money more than me.

And if while I'm doing all this, I fall in love, and miraculously, it happens back to me, and it's good, well then. That's the icing on the cake.

I'm still a romantic ya know...


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