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9:30 a.m. - 2003-08-06
A bright spot on a dark day
The cruise confirmation came in today and sent me into a happy spin. We have a delux ocean view with a sitting area and everything! Woo hoo HOs on the high seas!

Its real now. I'm really going and I can barely function. This is a great place to be. If only I weren't surrounded by idiots instead of my asshole friends. I feel the need to party and celebrate.

This comes as a welcome change of tune. I've been bitchy and whiney about my job lately. Down in the dumps about my lack of a lovelife. And heartborken over seeing my beloved godfather in a fast decline fueled by alcohol, cigarettes, and serious, untreated medical problems. I went to Long Island last weekend for a birthday party thrown by one of his sisters.

He was not the man I knew. He was unkempt, wobbly and indifferent. It seemed not to matter that I was there. That I drove 5 hours just to wish him a happy birthday.

His partner of 35 years has become a hermit and refuses to leave their Manhattan apartment. I longed to see him and have one of our private chats. He and I were always together when I visited New York. My godfather was really closer to my brother. I always had "Ungle G" to myself. We'd walk through Central Park, stop by the zoo, and go to all the famous places that children get excited about. He introduced me to the Met.

I miss them both so deeply. They were the men who would have raised me if anything had happened to my mother. I have always felt a special kind of kinship with them.

But there was a surprise guest. A longtime friend of my godfather who I used to have a crush on when I was a kid. J is from St. Thomas. He's been living in my godfather's building since longer than I've been alive. The man is 71 and looks as beautiful as he did in the 70's. He's tall, built, sculptured, and looks about 40. He is truely the finest gentleman I have ever met. Wonderful to speak with. So gracious and kind. It was a bright spot in my weekend.

I suppose that I have to make some kind of peace with the lives my loved ones chose to lead. Both were alcoholics at a young age and continue increase the dosage to dull the pain of chronic illness. Neither will be long lived and it makes me sad. There is nothing I can do but love them and hope for as much comfort as possible.

So, for now, I will concentrate on my own health and happiness. I live to travel and the opportunity will be here sooner than I think.

I wish everyone well out there.

Take care of yourselves.


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