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2:40 p.m. - 2003-12-10
Penises and booze.
Numero 2 entry for today. I finally feel like writing about the penis party last Saturday.

So, my NYC trip was cancelled due to the weather, but I made it down to B-more for the infamous penis party complete with very short, flabby stripper. With a little penis. How he could dance for the girls and be surrounded by dildos of amazing proportions is beyond me, but more power to him.

I wasn't there for the dancing, but he walked up to me as he was getting dressed and asked whether I was buying a Christmas present. I said "no, I'm buying a ME present." I thought I said it nicely, but he turned tail and ran. I wonder what I had in my hands at the time?

I did make it in time to enter the raffle. The presenter measured the girls busts with a string of tickets and gave them the amount it took to completely encircle them. I felt like I was at Nordstrom's getting a bra fitting.

I ended up winning the big penis prize too. It looks a bit complicated, but I'm sure we'll get along famously. I guess having a 38DDD chest comes in handy in more ways than one.

Then I got a bit tipsy on the jello shooters and walked about the bar cradling my penis prize and torturing men with it. "Wanna look at my penis? I won it!" Whenever they tried to touch it, I'd yell - "its my penis!!!! Paws off!" and threaten bodily harm.

Charming, huh?

The bar regulars were quite unsettled by the whole deal. They were facinated -- like when you go to a movie that's scary and grosses you out, but you can't take your eyes off the screen. But still uncomfortable and a more than a little insecure.

They don't get how different a mechanical penis is from a real warm one with a man attached to it. There's no comparison. Both nice, but opposite ends of the sexual experience spectrum.

So there you have it. Penises and more Zencelt on booze folly. At least nobody actually showed me theirs. I should tote along a dildo wherever I go. It seems to prevent unsolicited itty bitty penis sightings.


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