6:43 a.m. - 2006-12-05
I need you again. Me and Six, actually. You see, a dear friend of ours lost her best friend in spring, her husband in summer and her mom a few days ago. Aside from all the insurance assininity (fuck you insurance companies!!!) she's had to go through, her heart is in pieces and I don't know how she's still breathing.
So anything you have, please snd her way? I feel so useless. And far away. I know what grief is, and waht it can do to you. I still find myself realing from my dad's death over 20 years ago. And I still cry, in quiet moments, because I miss this friend's husband so much. Its selfish, I know. But he meant so much to me. And his presence is a sore spot that won't heal.
I really can't imagine having had him as the love of my life and losing him...
I wish I had a healthier view of death. And sometimes I do, but mostly, I just mourn for those I've lost like a lost puppy.
After all the flaming assholes (literally), and that last Carribean fuckhead who has decided that I'm not worth sending a post card to anymore (I hope he gets the cruise ship flu and throws up a lung), a normal, healthy individual is a breath of fresh air.
Yeah Max, did you hear that? PHWBBBB!
Freakin' abnormal men.
Yes, I'm still breathing. But, I'm not quite so relaxed as I was a few weeks ago at the retreat. Imagine that...
I'm menoring a new employee at work who thought she was the shit before she started managing projects the scope of mine. She had a nervous breakdown yesterday. A little one, I think, but still. Boy do I remember. This job is not for the weak at heart, that's for sure. I'm goingo tfel her out today and see if she has the stuff to persevere. If not, I'm afraid she may be short lived. I think she has the skills to grow though. I hope she sticks it out.
I learned about these things called Neti Pots on the retreat. For those who are unaware, its a little tea pot thing that you use to run salt water in one nostril, through the sinuses, and out the other nostril. Gross? Yes. Effective? Yes. I've been feeling a sinus infection coming on (yes Capt Ron, I am ever so glad I did't get that nose ring), but nothing has surfaced yet. We'll see. In any case, its nice not to have boogers hanging out of my nose.
OK. I'm finshed now.